AIDS patients who wish: I want to return to the embrace of community
2009-1-6 13:06:59
     Summary Content: A Hai story than I imagined complex. We always say that a person's childhood experiences can affect one's life, while the A Hai childhood riddled with problems could be described as an illegitimate child, he was full of resentment of the mother was sent to rural areas, in the adoptive home after 7 years in total disregard for like life, until his grandmother back to the city, the city's home despite her mother, but he has no experience of less than a taste of motherly love.

     An in-depth interview with the soul

     Interview by:穆琼

     Interview: A Hai Age: 37 Occupation: Sales

     A Hai is an AIDS.

     An interview in a plot carried out by residents of the building. A Hai very handsome, tall and slender, wearing a white shirt, it is very difficult to contact him and AIDS together, he looks more like a young white-collar companies. It is an interview in their office - an anti-AIDS non-governmental organizations, which serve as volunteers in the A Hai, is mainly responsible for AIDS patients psychological counseling.

     A Hai story than I imagined complex. We always say that a person's childhood experiences can affect one's life, while the A Hai childhood riddled with problems could be described as an illegitimate child, he was full of resentment of the mother was sent to rural areas, in the adoptive home after 7 years in total disregard for like life, until his grandmother back to the city, the city's home despite her mother, but he has no experience of less than a taste of motherly love.

     This experience, together阿海提when abnormal calm, as if telling other people's stories. I think that a man who wants what kind of growth experienced in order to calm those who face life's pain? Fortunately, today's A Hai With the goal of life, the work of volunteers so that he experienced the meaning of life lies, those who have dissatisfaction with resentment at a time to pay and help others to be washed, that moment, I A Hai suddenly understood calm.

     Father, that gave me life, but refused to see me

     I am an illegitimate child, from an early age was sent to the rural areas, the adoption of my family that I am very well, from my notebook to start, there will be no through a new dress. The only adult clothing is a worn cotton-padded jacket, I have been wearing to 7 years old, like a small beggar, like something to eat is also a neighbor to the leftovers. 3-year-old when the parents have their own children, was not warm enough to wear my life is a disastrous decline, foster parents, I want to throw away, but have no place to throw, let me sleep in the horse shed . Dirty all day long I have to eat a meal, no meal on an empty, well-intentioned neighbors are either when I carefully, and they fear of getting into trouble, because the adoptive parents in the village very formidable.

     7 years old, grandmother to the village to see me, I have found is that kind of life, I had to take back the town.

     I secretly looked forward to the home and looked at everyone at home, my mother had been married, but also gave birth little brother, stepfather also ignore me. Although returned to their homes, but no one care about me, only the grandmother distressed me, take care of me. Unfortunately, 2 years after the grandmother died, she left me completely没人管, I瞎逛every day outside, and my children not to play, all wild species, I shout, I dashed to and they get into a fight. After returning home, my mother looked like I knew I was fighting it, and she told me it is a fight. Beaten almost become my routine, I secretly vowed in his heart, and I grew up to make money later, no longer go back to this home. However, some such as me, and began to understand the grievances of my mother, she hated my father, the irresponsible hate men, she had passed on to the hate me.

     I know 21-year-old when his father who, when I just Force veterans return home, and a good friend to play together regularly, in fact, he is my pro-tert, his older brother is my father, this is still a Informed of the ladies told me, she asked me, you know Eryong is? I said of course know, is my good friend, ah. Aunt said, silly child, he is pro-tert you.

     Previously, his father's image in my mind is far stranger then, and now suddenly I am so close off, I want to see him, to see if he would like to look and listen to his voice. Tert I expressed my desire to want to see his father soon, tert told me that his father refused, he did not want to see me.

     I恨死him, he did not even have the opportunity to see my side not to me. But no matter how I hate him, I will secretly wish that he长得什么样ah? How are bad? Young Shuai Shuai not? Sometimes thinking about thinking, do not know where to come from a fire, I have not seen过话he did not say, I think he Why? Later, when I hate when people will think of my father, I find it strange, but that feeling is the same.

     I now do not want to see him, if not talk about this topic today, I have fast 1 year did not think of off him.

     These things for me to have a family conflict, but I'm looking forward to being hostile to love all people, do not believe that anyone, even if this person give me a bread, I would think he has what purpose. Previously, a talk about these things I would cry, but a very long time are able to extricate themselves now, they have become a kind of experience I have, in addition to today and you mention, the last time I brought in the previous year.

   Money was the first goal of my life

     Demobilized from the army to go home, I was assigned to a small factory, two to three hundred dollars a month, I am not satisfied as the day to decide their own business, I kneel in front of my mother, begged her to lend me 500 yuan of capital, she same business, no matter how I seek will not work. She is not money, she opened a store, but she is not lent me. No way, I had no choice but to find a friend in order, the East has been put together to fight the West by 500 money, started a small shop of my business. Really is very hard to start the morning, four or five points to the city three蹬着purchase, no money into a FCL beer, on into the semi-boxes, people do not want to, I would like to seek死乞白赖, people look at me then小怪poor, it agreed.

     1 hard years later, I have some savings, they opened a restaurant, as a result of the election in a car market near a hotel where I am the only business in particular fire. I have sworn-fat, and so I never go home after earning money. However, when I have money, I did not do it in accordance with the oath, I not only home, and returned to my mother money, money to his brother. I just want to prove that I am useful, but the money did not help us close the relationship between mother and son, I can only give you the money when my mother will show a smiley face, and usually do not remember that she is my son, and even a phone call also not to fight.

     Money, I long for a warm family life, I hope, like most people do get married and have children. But for me it is a hope, I am not interested in women, which could, and my childhood experience, I desire to be protected. Later, because of the feelings of things, my mood was very low, all day locked himself in a home, the mother took over the hotel, and I feel better when you want to return to the hotel, the mother has refused to be returned to me, to this end, I and she had a big argument with my savings came to Tianjin.

     I feel quite in the business aspects of the mind and the help of friends, my business very quickly on the right track.

     At that time, my life goal is to earn money, money the better, as long as I could afford to pay, others will not look down on me. This concept until I became a volunteer with AIDS only after a complete change took place.

     Success in helping others, I will feel very proud

     I now dare to admit that he is living with AIDS is the struggle for a very long time results. 4 years ago, when I got the results and saw that says HIV-positive, I think every day collapsed, everything is gone. I am from the death of only one step away.

     At that time I do not want anything, just want a person to leave this world quietly, I put all my friends contact information deleted from my cell phone, business manager to the care and maintenance, the purchase also rely on telephone contact. In addition to the hospital拿药, I closed their home every day傻傻addition to watching TV, is looking at the ceiling, thinking about how the rest of the day off. Sometimes, I will fear, fear of death, and perhaps their own day left this world, was very sad, and friends can not see, and do not see the relatives.

     Such a day after 2 years. Later on, I know a volunteer is also my teacher, he gave me to do a psychological counseling, to take me to participate in related activities and training, slowly, I understand that AIDS is a chronic disease, if active treatment of Life is not a threat. In the teacher's ease, I gradually regain confidence and hope of life have also started to take care of my business, 5 months I earned 400,000. Under the influence of the teacher, I also began to engage in volunteer work.

     Volunteers to do very hard to deal with AIDS patients, I often emotions will be affected, enthusiasm will be affected and even those who helped me turn on behind the scenes say that I am ill, so I am wronged, many times I want to give up the job, I live a good number of good, why I want to control others? To this every time a boy's face will appear in my mind, he is also an AIDS patient, as a result of the help he was not in place, it is necessary to die, had he will be able to survive. This to me is a big blow. I said to myself, no matter how much aggrieved by to stick to it.

     In the process of helping others, my heart has been adjusted so that I hated the original and dissatisfaction are resolve. Every time when angry, I would repeatedly to think I helped other people or other people helped me, it has become the joy of my life, but also my mood regulator.

     My mentality has changed, these changes include the fate of family ties, as well as the attitude towards life. Now, money is not in my life the most important thing, and it is already the second or third place, the. My greatest aspiration is to hope the community will accept our crowd. Every day I would like these things, the挺累his mind into confusion, and sometimes talking to himself. Even though we are living with AIDS, but we are still social beings, we are keen to return to society and pay back the community.

     I know that my ideals and it is very difficult to achieve, and sometimes to see the life will be gone soon disheartened mind a heavy financial burden, he or she will like them? Every time, I would encourage their own good medication, aggressive treatment, has been lived to the age of 80. , I can help more people.