这是一个老师让我帮忙修改的三个GRE作文，删除的地方未能显示，大家凑合看看一些点评的意见。
第一篇作文103"The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
首先题目的关键在于两个词，VALUE和RELEVANT。分析清楚这两个词，放进文章的结构里面，按照FIRAC的顺序进行讨论，先亮出观点，然后点明问题的几个分论点，再进行分析和举例。
Living in a time when practicability is considered as the mantra(这是什么MANTRA是默念的经文，这么写有些不合适，换成ROUTINE或NORM), （两句话没有AND链接？？？）it is a fact, sad yet inevitable（语法不对）, that the value of something is largely determined by the immediate benefits it brings us. And for the majority of people, such 'immediate benefit' could very well be the positive impact on their everyday life. In this sense, the speaker's claim that the study of history has value only when it relates to our daily life seems to be logical. （这句话合上一句没有关系） However, this assertion is so partial （不是这样说的，one-sided或prejudiced）and extreme (PARTIAL和EXTREME怎么放在一起，两个是反义)that I can hardly agree. By examining the significance of history from the perspective of individual as well as society, it can be forcefully defended that other than relevance to our daily life, the value of history lies in its capacity to facilitates individual to become eligible citizens, as well as its reinforcement for the development of society （看不懂这句，什么叫加强社会发展？）by giving views of development pattern and lessons from the history. History confers values to us, either as single individual or a collective, in ways of teaching us crucial lessons of personal advancement and social development where relevance of history is like air and water to us in everyday life.
First（TOEFL作文的写法放在这里一排排写吗）, in the dimension of individual, the study of history facilitates our being an eligible citizen of the world we live in. As for this notion, instruction and inspiration, under its broad definition, is（ARE） the first function？ of history for individuals of any time. 语法错误不要出现One can learn from history the courage of heroes during the war time, the eminence of great leadership, as well as the merits of advocators, philanthropists, and all those venerable figures that have ever make a difference throughout history. 这些是ELIGIBLE CITIZEN的特点吗？请说明Just like knowledge of the champion of Napoleon（什么是CHAMPION OF NAPOLEAN？拿破仑的捍卫者？） would enhance a youngster's ambition and courage, the historic fact that only after long and arduous struggle can feminists have their voice heard would definitely reinforce one to keep holding on FIGHTING when trapped desperately in adversity. Instruction and inspiration therefore 再次语法错误is achieved, which infuses extensive qualities for being an eligible citizen.
这里没有写明合格公民必须有什么特点，然后这些特点跟历史有什么关系RELEVANT。
Moreover, the message conveyed by history is more like a training of mind that foster one's critical thinking than elaborated knowledge about the events happened years ago. In other word, the study of history equips the individual with sensible thinking pattern, which could be applied in any other domain as seeking for career success or technological progress. The education of history as a discipline in schools can be an example. One of the major endeavor of education of history as a discipline is to allow children to perceive the notion that how history has developed, and to figure out the cause-and-effect chain of historical events. Students, therefore, has to think critically in order to seek out the consequences of human deeds and the route of development a society adopted. In this way, a better understanding of the past has been achieved, which, more importantly, reinforces students to better understand the present and the future.
这段写得不错，在开头一句应该写明白一些，历史对我都有用，很广泛，这也是为什么学校教授历史的原因，然后举一个小例子来说明。
When it comes to the society in general, the significance of history is particularly noticeable. In one way, history has provided us with the pattern of the development of human society, and it would possibly serve as the instructive guidance for the society to make decisions now and in the future. And in another way, without lessons from history, human society would have been more vulnerable to mistakes and fatal defeats. If less respect were put to history, the mercilessness of the genocide in Rwanda would possibly have been neglected, and the massive death and destruction of humanity would be expected to happen again(这两句没有逻辑关系，这么说不太合适，应该说卢旺达的仇杀应该被永远铭记，人们应该从中学到教训). Similarly, if the study of history were considered less valuable, people would not recall the destruction of Nagasaki caused by nuclear bomb and thus every corner of the world would be in danger of being another Nagasaki.（这句话更显得幼稚，改卷老师或任何人都看不明白这句话）
注意，这一段的例子说明，都是以虚拟语态来出现，这么写有两个问题，一是老师阅读有困难，另外，意思和逻辑关系容易混乱。不建议在考试中大量使用。
In sum, rather than dependent upon its relevance to daily life, the value of history lies in many respects, and thus history has served as the heritage of richness that benefits human in various aspects. As for individual, history provides inspiration as well as the capacity of critical thinking, while as for the society in general, history is the very place where society's development pattern can be revealed and the lessons of history can be taught. Consequently, the value of history would continually brought enlightenment and insights to the world we live in.
结尾简洁一些总结以上三点即可。
第二篇作文： 144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
Who plays a more significant role in providing the enduring value for our society, artists or critics? I basically agree with the speaker that artists, rather than art critics, are actually the source of value that lasts in society（这里你明显没有读懂题目，题目是说在比较这两个艺术界的人士时，似乎艺术家更能创造持久的艺术价值。没有人说这是SOURCE OF VALUE，什么VALUE?你首先就要弄清楚）. Even though critics have put increasing influence upon the spread and evaluation of art in modern society, their importance should not be over-estimated. By probing into the nature of art and the interpretation of value, one can contend that it is the artist that serves to create value that ever lasts in society. 这个VALUE还是一样，是艺术的，不是泛指的。看到这里，评分老师就已经对文章有了基本判断。
The first reason regarding the issue involves with the very nature of art. Aristotle has noted that the imitation and pursuit of rhythm and harmony are all instincts of human being, and thus the purpose of art is non-motivated. Instead, it is associated with human nature. Art, from a modern perspective, has been considered as pure creativity of diverse forms, which expresses individual as well as societal impulses. In this sense, artists have served as the very essence of art of any form, for the art is created by artists. （那到底什么事VALUE OF ART？你在这里介绍的是艺术的本职和核心，但价值呢？到底是什么？）Only from artists can we investigate directly and comprehensively the purpose, methods as well as the possible implications of the art.（这是价值吗？） Moreover, it is the purpose, methods and ideas implied by artistic works that allow us to appreciate, reflect and giving responses, from which lasting value is emanated（emanate一般不用被动形态）. Unlike artists, however, art critics has provided us with merely analysis of certain works, and failed to convey the creative and intuitive impulses of artists.
如果目的，方法和IDEA等就是价值，先不说对错，那么你应该更加明确地说出来，这样写不是分析，是直接命题了。GRE作文要的是分析。
The significance of artists, rather than the critics, can also be tested by probing into definition of 'something of lasting value' in society. （这里应该比较，而不是去TEST）As far as I am concerned, the value that last long in society should be able to transcend time and space to convey enduring value, a capacity to apply itself to different times and situations. Why??? 又断了，又不说了。Works by artists have such capacity, while critics can hardly produce anything beyond the terrain of a certain piece of work. Consider poetry. Critics on Wordsworth's poetry can certainly provide us with an overview of the poet: his artistry and historical role in literature, however, few inspirations involved with morality and values would be acquired from critics. 他不是已经PROVIDE了吗？也有价值。题目的关键是比较In contrast, when we read Wordsworth, we perceive it from the original text through our own contemplation that his poetry conveys merits of tolerance and the fragility of life. 这个论述比较弱。Such ideas continue to move its readers and facilitate certain moral value within readers of any time.
读题很关键。题目问比较和LASTING，持续的，你为什么不论述一下这个？作品是不朽的，因为他提供了一个源泉和真实的本体，而评论永远都是收到历史，环境，时空还有各种东西的影响，价值是有的，但是从LASTING上考虑，并不见得比作品本身更有魅力。
One may argue that without critics, art could hardly thrive, or even survive, in modern society. The statement is generally justifiable insofar as critics serve as an enhancing force rather than the source of lasting values. Admittedly, in one way, the art critic has provided us with valuable notions about art appreciation that allow us to better interpret art. A specialized critic in modern art, would have a general grasp of the art history, trend, and diverse classes, and thus he can provide a more accurate and insightful analysis on certain works of modern art. 前面的没看懂什么意义。By reading his critic article, those who are not experts in certain fields of art would feel much easier when appreciating, for example, a painting by contemporary abstractionism. In another way, art critics have played a role in making judgments and recommendations of artistic works in the social context.好。Numerous best-seller lists and their continuing impact on people's making decision could be a compelling instance. ？？？However beneficial art critics can be, the significance of critics has been over-evaluated. Actually, the art critic can sometimes be misleading. Looking at the case of best-seller lists 这个是读者排的，呵呵，不是CRITICS排的。again, excessive compliments seem to be given to many less valuable yet popular works while some other books should have merited higher appraisal. Consequently, the function of critics seem to be limited and suspectquestioned, and would fail to create any long-lasting value in society.
这一段不错，修改一下，可以排到前面第二段去。
In sum, artists have played an essential role in shaping the lasting value for our society. Since artists are the very source of creativity that is vital in providing value while is shared less by critics, the position of artists can never be over-estimated. Even though modern society has given more emphasis on critics, artists basically provide the privileged ideas of humanity that can be applied beyond time and space, and thus will continue to give society things of the enduring value.
第三篇作文：153"Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.
这篇写得太久、太纠结了！！！ 还有前面那篇103谁能帮我改改？~~~
我帮你看看吧（郁闷。。。）
Skepticism, with its very nature based on critical thinking本身就是CRITICAL THINKING, is undeniably an essential quality for academic advancement and social progress. In both academic field and otherwise（这是？）, I strongly agree with the assertion that students, who are responsible for the further development of society, should 题目是带着，不是被动地be equipped with a certain skepticism to suspect and challenge the established thoughts and institutions. However, to emphasis the role of knowledge and reason when questioning what is already established is of equal importance. （最后这句是让步，在考试是不要这么写，容易混淆）
In academic research, there is no denial that skepticism and critical thinking serve as the major forces for significant breakthroughs. 你这是说科学本身，科学家，还是iwomen学生？？？It is true in almost every discipline, ranging from science and technology to humanities and social science. Harvey, the physician who first described accurately the human circulatory system, once noted that 'we are too much in habit of worshiping names to the neglect of things', in which he advocated that a critical attitude is essential in academic research. Indeed, it is his skepticism of the then dominant theory of Galen, and his commitment in seeking truth that led to the breakthrough in physiology.
可惜，没写清楚，例子很好，但是要和我们学生联系上，至少说明。
However, one may argue that if a major theory in certain discipline were to be doubted or attacked freely, it would be devastating for its further development. In this case, empirical evidence （empirical evidence是指科学上的实例和数据，不要乱用，这里还以为你要用数据了。例子就直接说EXAMPLE即可）could forcefully defend that skepticism, however influential they are, would not hamper the progress of a theory. The history of scientific advancement in the past centuries abounds with examples that skepticism, contrary to the commonly held misconception that it may hamper the paces of science, actually powers more forcefully the engine of science toward countless brilliant achievements. Instead, it serves as an impetus that allows the academia to evolve. Tracing the development of schools of macroeconomics, we have seen numerous doubts and critics placed on Keynesianism, the prevailing school emerging in the Great Depression. The supply-side economists, however, indicated the failure of Keynes' theory and advocated the dominant role of supply in market, who therefore effectively explained the stagflation during the 1970s by using their theory. On the other hand, school of Neoclassical Synthesis established a more effective and widely applicable theory by remaining critical to Keynesianism and remedying the flaws of it. It is safe to say that without the skepticism from economists outside the Keynesianism school, the modern macroeconomic system would be less complete and even less effective to provide guidance to the economy of nations.
这个例子举得有些太长，凯恩斯学派和新古典写的时候要简洁和突出他们的反对对象。还要说，他们是在原基础上的进步，怀疑不是推翻，而是思考。最后两句无意义。
In a larger domain of society（这是谁写的？英国佬？能不能不用这个DOMAIN？社会不是一个什么范畴，不要直译）, skepticism and the capacity of critical thinking is even more significant. By examining the procedure of policy making and implementation can be a case. In totalitarian countries where the supreme power dictates, policies are made mainly in order to serve for the small group of people in the nation. 小心我们和谐你。Political propaganda has overwhelmingly prohibited questioning voices from the public, and thus the public, who has failed to access ？skepticism towards the governing power would undergo more suffering. ？好好的论点被你说偏了。Civil rights, therefore, would be easily hampered. In contrast, in a democratic society where difference voices can be freely expressed, sense of skepticism has been largely emphasized. Given the fact that certain policy of the government can be questioned or even revised due to the question, the public would thus be encouraged to remain their skepticism and critical attitudes towards social issues. And conspicuously, it is the skepticism, critics, as well as other form of initial participation by the public in policy-making that guarantee more effective policies with less side effect.
题目问的是学习和学术方面，你这是写大字报呢？民权运动都出来了。能不能往题目的方面引过去？这样写偏题了。
However, to infuse such sense of skepticism into the minds of students too early can possibly be counterproductive, given the fact that what is critical in skepticism should be largely based on reason and logic, rather than absolute suspicion of whatever issue one encounters with. Imagine a grader-school boy were taught to being skeptical to whatever he had or would learn before he had grasped a general idea of the very basic nature of the world. The boy might at first be curious about everything he were exposed to and enjoyed questioning his teachers, parents and anyone he socialized with. However, overwhelmed by such absolute skepticism, he would gradually become puzzled and lost, for question for all problems without knowledge about them would lead him into nihilism. Moreover, in a broader scale of society, skepticism that is not based on knowledge and reason would easily go to extreme, which will probably result in social unrest, and absence of religion and faith.
这一段看不懂。但是替代前面一段挺好的。考试中你写到这里就差不多了。
In conclusion, students, who are responsible for the development of the future society, should be equipped with such capacity to doubt, to question and to challenge, since it is skepticism that motivated academic research to progress as well as the society to function effectively. However, it is equally important to note that skepticism should be based on reason and knowledge, and only in this way can we bring skepticism into full play.